The Number One Tip for Graduate School Success

Learning to say “I don’t know” opens the door to learning and growth.

A few weeks ago, I was working on a submission to the Institutional Review Board (IRB). This is the body at any university that okays the ethics of research with human subjects. I was planning some survey research, and I was feeling pretty confident about the project. But I also wanted to use this other piece of data. I wasn’t sure how to frame the request, or if I even needed IRB approval to use that data.

I emailed a friend who, in my mind, has done a lot of this kind of research. I asked her if she thought I needed approval and, if I did, if she thought the IRB would approve. She said she wasn’t one hundred percent sure of the answer to either question. Then she said something incredibly freeing: “Just email them and ask – that’s what I always do.”

Academic Success Tip #1

When I do college transition workshops for students preparing for undergraduate education, I tell them that Academic Success Tip #1 is: Learn to say, “I don’t know.” That is also Academic Success Tip #1 for graduate students. And, as my friend’s email reminded me, it’s a good tip for those who have completed their formal education as well.

Saying “I don’t know” is difficult. I think there are three main reasons for this.

The Challenge of Humility

Saying “I don’t know” takes humility. Humility is not a popular virtue. Sure, in social media posts, people claim, “I was humbled . . ..” But when those words are followed by “. . . to be named the Teacher of the Year at XYZ Charter School,” the sentiment they convey is closer to humility’s opposite. Being humble means admitting your weaknesses, your failings, and the gaps in your knowledge of IRB protocols. Admitting ignorance is admitting vulnerability. That’s not easy for anyone. For graduate students, who may already be struggling with impostor anxiety, admitting ignorance can seem like stepping onto a rickety bridge that may not hold you.

The Challenge of Confidence

Saying “I don’t know” takes confidence. Even if you have mastered the humility piece, asking a question can still feel like an imposition. After all, these people — be they advisors or Registrars or departmental statistics experts or librarians – these people are busy. They have books to write. They have transfer credit to evaluate. They have t-tests to conduct. They have shelves to dust (just kidding, librarians). They don’t have time for me.

Except they do. Many of the people who you are trepidatious about approaching are actually supposed to be helping you AS PART OF THEIR ACTUAL JOB. This is what they are paid to do, in many cases, what they love to do. And even if not, most people love to be able to answer someone’s questions – it makes them feel knowledgeable and helpful, which can be a nice little endorphin hit.

The Freedom to Admit Ignorance

My friend’s email was so freeing, first, because she gave me permission to not know something. Impostor anxiety has no better cure than the realization that even seasoned professionals don’t know what they are doing all the time. The email was also freeing because it reminded me that part of the role of the IRB is to answer researchers’ questions. It made humility less humiliating and provided confidence that questions would be welcomed. I emailed the IRB, quickly got a reply, and met with a very helpful board member who not only acted like my question was one hundred percent normal, but also helped me formulate my application.

Reasons 1 and 2 are related to the concept of growth mindset, a term introduced by psychologist Carol Dweck in the late 1980s and popularized by everybody in the 20-teens. If you are not familiar with growth mindset (which, guess what, it is okay to admit), it is the idea that intelligence is not a fixed trait, like eye color, but more like a muscle, that can strengthen and grow. A growth mindset allows us to admit ignorance because we believe that we can learn. On the other hand, a fixed mindset, which believes that intelligence is static, views ignorance as a fatal flaw, a sign that I am not very smart after all. With a fixed mindset, saying “I don’t know” is the end, an admission of defeat. With a growth mindset, it is the beginning of learning.

I Don’t Know and Growth Mindset

I would say that in my life, I have tended toward a more fixed mindset. I like to hide my ignorance if possible, so asking questions can be difficult for me. When I first learned about growth mindset, however, I decided that I needed to change. I recall an early foray into the growth arena. I was at dinner with some co-workers of my husband’s, one of whom came from Italy, where his parents had an olive farm. I decided I was going to ask a question: “Are black olives just ripe green olives?”

Previously, I would not have asked, assuming that any moderately educated person should know such a thing (and a little worried that everyone at the table would point and laugh). No one laughed (out loud, anyway), and I learned something new (yes, they are). It was a fraction of a baby step, but I gained a taste of the freedom that comes with being able to say, “I don’t know.”

Besides the challenges of humility and confidence, there is another reason why we often fail to use those three powerful words. It’s because often, we don’t even know what we don’t know. For tips and perspective on getting to “I don’t know,” stay tuned for a future blog.

Graduate Success Coaching

If you’d like help getting started with asking questions, managing time, doing research or managing any of grad school’s many other challenges, I’d love to talk to you. Find out more or set up a free consultation using the buttons below.