Combatting Fear of Failure in Graduate School

Is “checking the boxes” the way to move past our fears?

Many years ago, my mother-in-law shared her philosophy of housework with me. She told me that she mopped the kitchen floor every Tuesday, and if, immediately afterward, the kids (there were seven of them) ran across the room with muddy shoes, she didn’t care. She had completed the weekly mopping of the floor, and that was that.*

I think my mother-in-law was telling me this to help me come to terms with the repetitive nature of many of life’s tasks. You weed the flower bed, and the next day more weeds are sprouting. You fill the car with gas, and a week later it’s empty. Sometimes, the things we need to do feel meaningless. At that point, it can be helpful to take my mother-in-law’s approach, which one might call “checking the boxes.”

When does it work to check the boxes?

A checking-the-boxes approach says that what is important is accomplishing the task. There doesn’t need to be a significant accomplishment, or lasting result, or meaningful learning happening for a task to be worthwhile. Just get it done. Check the box.

To me, this approach makes all kinds of sense when applied to something like housework. Like my mother-in-law, I just want to know that at one point, everything will be clean. My dear friend, who owns a cleaning business and derives both personal and professional satisfaction from making people’s houses sparkle and shine, will probably disagree with me. I think, though, one can just check the boxes with housework (and, as often as possible, get someone else to do it).

The question is, does checking the boxes work with other parts of life? Most people would agree that we probably should not just check the boxes with our relationships or careers or religious practices (although honesty will compel the admission that all of us have days when we do). What about grad school? Is getting a master’s or doctoral degree a checking-the-boxes kind of thing?

Checking the box as a graduate student?

This topic came up a little while ago when I was on a panel of former Ed.D. students speaking to a roomful of current Ed.D. students. In a kindly effort to reassure the newer students and assuage fears of failure, we panelists and some of the more experienced students were throwing around some “check-the-box” language. Just do the reading. Just do the assignments. Just take the class. A step at a time. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Check the box.

At one point, a first-year student spoke up. She was afraid of failing, of getting a bad grade, of not being able to handle the workload. But, as a career teacher, she loved education. She wanted to learn. She wanted to do a good job. She did not want to check the box.  

Fear of failure can be paralyzing for graduate students. Adopting a checking-the-boxes attitude can allay that fear. But it can also lead to missing out on the deeper learning and personal growth opportunities that grad school offers. So, what’s the solution for the first-year student at the panel and others like her?

Learning orientation: Another way to confront our fears

I think what is needed is a reframing. Like the rest of life, grad school isn’t primarily about success or failure. It’s about learning. So, each class, reading, project, and assignment is a chance to develop a skill, learn some foundational concepts, or explore new ideas. If you knew all this stuff already, grad school would be a waste of time.

Most of us are, unfortunately, conditioned by earlier educational experiences to view academic work, not as an opportunity to learn, but as a barrier to forward progress or (worse) a referendum on our intelligence or worth. Each assignment gets a grade, which marks progress toward the final grade, often derived from an average of earlier grades, sometimes with certain assignments weighted more heavily than others. A student who fails the first assignment is, unless something changes, on the way to failure for the course. Interestingly, this system is not used worldwide. My son completed two years of high school at an international school in Geneva, Switzerland. At parent-teacher conferences his first semester, the Chemistry teacher told me my son’s grade in the course was currently 67 percent. Chagrined, I promised to encourage better study habits and asked what he should do to improve. The teacher told me he was doing fine. Since to me, 67 was a mile marker on the road to a solid D, I asked for clarification. The teacher explained that 67 meant that he had, at this point, met 67 percent of the learning goals for the course. Since it was November, and the course went until June, he was well-positioned to meet all the learning goals by the end of the school year.

That kind of learning orientation is, to me, the attitude with which to approach graduate school. Consider how each task moves you toward the learning goals for that course. Consider how each course moves you toward the knowledge, skills, and experience you need to complete the thesis, capstone, or dissertation. Most of all, consider how what you are learning will help you in the various spaces and relationships that make up your life.

Moving toward a learning orientation in graduate school

That’s the inspiration, and I believe every word. The problem, however, is that it is difficult to consistently hold onto that mindset; developing a learning orientation is itself a learning process. Graduate school can be a long and arduous journey. Sometimes it’s set up like a series of ever-higher hurdles to jump. There are days (sometimes weeks) when the best you can muster is to do what you have to do. While on the lifelong journey to becoming a lifelong learner, it’s sometimes okay to check the boxes.

—

*I am sure, by the way, that my mother-in-law did not leave the floor muddy for a week (in case you were concerned). I think her point was that what was important to her was being able to reassure herself the floor had been completely clean at one point, and it would be again.

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash